I Want Freedom From My Past Abortion

“I want freedom from the bondage of my abortion.”

The woman who spoke these words entered an abortion recovery group with An Even Place knowing she was forgiven by God. She has been a Christian for decades. She has a good understanding of scripture; yet each day, for decades, she would repent of her abortion.

Abortion affects us so deeply. God designed men and women to be life bearers. The command God gave in the garden was, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” What exactly are we to fill the earth with? I feel like I’m asking the stupidest question, yet in today’s society where all our roles are upside down, it bears asking. In the Lord’s command He was instructing Adam and Eve to have children and fill the earth with them; and their children were to continue to follow this command.

So when a woman who knows the Lord, knows scripture, and knows she is forgiven repents of her abortion daily for decades, I’m never surprised. Having children is the most natural and spiritual thing we can do as women. Abortion violently disrupts childbearing.

Her heart broke over her decision so much so that she was blind to the fact she wasn’t really trusting God when He said, “It is finished.” Jesus hung from the cross and paid the penalty for the sin of mankind.  Just before taking His last breath, He spoke these words. He was saying our debt was, in that moment and till the end of time, PAID COMPLETELY!

As her facilitator I could’ve told her what she could not see and it probably would have been effective. However, one thing I have learned is that when the Spirit of God reveals truth to a person, it sticks.

In the group session we were discussing chapter 2, looking at the character of God. The question before the group was, If you believe God knows everything, what is one way you can respond to that belief? The three scriptures the participants were to look up are: 1 Chron. 28:9, Psalm 32:5, and Psalm 46:10. A quick side note regarding the bible study is that the scriptures in the book are the addresses only but not the words. So participants must use their bibles to look up the verses in order to know what it says and how to answer the questions.

As there were three ladies in the group, I assigned one verse to each lady. They were to read the scripture then answer the question from the book as part of our discussion. I gave her Psalm 46:10, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ It is such a famous verse. We see it printed on coffee mugs, wall décor, and more. In the moment, however, I didn’t remember what that scripture address said. Neither did I know her version of the bible would read differently than what I just quoted. Her version reads, ‘Stop striving and know that I am God.’ Wow!

Oddly she didn’t make the connection to the striving she did nightly in her prayers to the verse nor to the question she was answering. So, I asked her to read just the first two words of the verse. When she did, her head went back and a huge smile spread across her face. The lights were coming on and we all saw the power of God do deep work in her heart. She then read the next few words, “…and know that I am God.” I asked her what she was learning.

She was able to tell us with confidence and assurance of salvation that Jesus did all the work, she can stop striving and act on that belief. I asked her how her prayers might change with this new understanding. She explained that she will now be praising God for the finished work on the cross for her sin. It was a beautiful moment.

God wasn’t finished.

In chapter 6 we focus on forgiving others for the hurts done to us. Toward the end of the chapter the question asks, “Have you asked God to forgive you for the ways you have hurt others?

Now, decades later, she was able to see how her decisions hurt her baby and the father of her baby. He didn’t find out about the pregnancy until she told him she had an abortion. While this truth was crushing to her heart, she was now positioned to receive this truth because of the release of the burden of continually repenting from chapter two.

We revisited Psalm 46:10 in that moment as I asked her how the understanding she had received from our session on chapter two applied to this new revelation. She remained confident in the work of Jesus even though she knew it would take time with God to work through this troubling revelation.

Once she was unburdened by her own sin before God, she was able to see the hurt her sin caused others. Abortion doesn’t happen in a vacuum; it impacts many people.

But God!

When we confess our sin, He is faithful for forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. The process of cleansing isn’t always a painless process. Indeed, sin is devastating to us personally and to those we hurt when we sin. God is faithful and what comfort we can have to know that not only are we are forgiven but cleansed as well.