Posted with permission from Lady T
God is so faithful to show His love for us and for our children. I’ve heard many stories of women who say they completely forgot about an abortion until the Lord brought it to their memory. Abortion is trauma for both the baby and the mother. It’s obvious the baby experiences the trauma immediately; the mother, however, might not recognize the emotional trauma and sometimes, the physical trauma, until a later date. At some point, however, the mother will ask herself the same question:
“How could I do that to my baby?”
When that question comes, a woman may try to bury her trauma. She may try to bury it with harmful choices, such as alcohol, drugs, sexual promiscuity, anger, rage, eating disorders, and cutting. Some may try to bury the trauma with successes in education and successes in a career. The mother is seeking to numb herself from her new reality…her new normal. Once she has been pregnant, she can never be the same, for while the baby isn’t physically present, the baby never goes away.
Lady T. had two abortions but only remembered one. She sought healing for her abortion at a retreat specifically designed for abortion trauma recovery. Retreats and weekly recovery groups are designed with two purposes: 1) to restore women to a correct understanding and relationship before the Lord, and 2) to bring their babies out of the shadows and into the light, giving the babies their humanity and dignity. It was at the retreat the Lord helped Lady T remember her second abortion. God knew her two children, and He wanted her to know both children so she could bring both to Him. The Lord wants these mothers to stand in an even place, worshiping before Him and in the church.
When a woman takes this courageous journey to heal by giving herself permission to grieve lost motherhood and then permission to freely imagine who her baby might have been, her baby is no longer a source of shame, but one of joy. She no longer turns her face away but looks forward with great anticipation to the day when she will be reunited with each child in heaven.
As a good heavenly Father, the Lord wants us to live abundant lives. We cannot do that with hidden grief, shame, or pain. All these must come into the light for us to have a full and right relationship with Him.